This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
