I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize