this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
