He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
