it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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