My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
