Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
