She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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