Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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