dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
