I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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