i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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