He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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