I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize
