census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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