dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
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Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
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How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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