k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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