I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
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Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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