I love black thongs
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
