question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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