farters have to be the big spoon...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
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