Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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