And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
