you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
