after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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