It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
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Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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