I just saw a hot homeless man
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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