Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
