Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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