you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
