It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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