my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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