I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
