His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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