You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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