the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Houston, we have a squirter
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
