His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
