I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Randomize
