It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
