Moan for me like Helen Keller
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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