she kept yelling 'call me bella'
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we're so committed to being not committed
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
