Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
did you just send me my own nude
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
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