Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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