I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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