You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
