The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
