I wanna bring you to show and tell
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
