Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
