Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
