She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
