he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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