I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
