my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
this hospital has no fireball
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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