Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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