sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
