p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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