wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
