Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
how drunk are you?
Several
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
