Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Randomize
