Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Umm I'm too high to move.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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