is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
