All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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