I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
