When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
