I CAN MOONWALK!
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
