1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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