Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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