I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize