i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
