ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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