My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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