coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
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