I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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