i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
