On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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