made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
