My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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