If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
