I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
