You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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