Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You ate ashes out of my bong
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
