you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
